you

i didn't expect you,

but i'd  always wished
and prayed.

i played mommy,
fed baby dolls,
stuffed pillows under my t-shirts
and prayed i would have little boys.

i watched babies with
fascination and wonder.

i met your daddy years ago
didn't think twice,
he was just a boy.
long curls and cute grin.
just a friend.

on a trip he was mature and kind,
i noticed and thought, "so?"

but i had him on my mind
and had a question about
WWII history
and from there
we began our
love story.

married, happy,
in our first home.
6 months in
our love was strong.

6 months in
I felt something begin.
something i had only
dreamed of happening.

nervous with anticipation,
i took a test
for proof to believe in.

two little lines.
that's all it took.
to open my heart
to the new chapter
in my book.

scared but thoroughly
thrilled.
we had a baby
my heart was filled.

we thanked God
everyday
and prayed for all
to be well.

weeks flew by and
all seemed well
until the moment
where things went
downhill..

everything is perfect
except one major flaw
the brain didn't form
she will not live long.

i cried my tears
as you kicked and squirmed
wanting to say "look i'm
beautifully formed"

the doctor told us gently
what to expect.
my heart was
shattered, too broken
to fix.

we cherish our time,
we love her to death,
we wish to protect
that which is out of our hands.

God has chosen a different path,
and we choose to have faith
when all our hopes are dashed.